“If thou of fortune be bereft,
and in thy store there be but left
two loaves, sell one, and with the
dole, buy hyacinths to feed thy soul.” John
Greenleaf Whittier
Choices
As I speed through life I somewhat expectantly round a curb, and imagine my surprise when I glance up ahead and there stands a sign that says "The End."
I pump my brakes a moment and reflect on my experience..I am in shock, the trip went by so quickly. Could it really be almost over?
I needed more than one lifetime to do all that was in my mind and heart.
I had to make choices and I did..I followed my heart and picked the things I cherished most, Yet looking back I wish I could have had more time to develop my gifts and dreams.
I wanted the love of a good man, check! I got that, it fit nicely into the perimeters of my one life. I had time for that. Now what else was on the list? I was born to be a Mother, check! But my children were hard won. Hospitals, doctor's visits, miscarriages, infertility. Four children became two, hard won, very precious. My kids were my life, I wanted to be the read-a-book at bedtime, go on field-trips, take you to school, wait at home with hugs kind of Mother, Check! I think I managed to mostly pull that off. But these things take a lot of time as does tending aging parents and housework, cooking, stretching one income to accommodate a family of four. So between Music lessons and the ball field, life happens. Then catastrophic illness hits like a explosion from Hell..time is eaten up and it's almost time to go.
I could have used some extra lives to fit in all I wanted to do.
I wanted to Minister, I felt what I thought was a call to the mission field early on. I gave it a good shot before I married, but I think God must have had other plans. What I was feeling I think was compassion and a concern for souls. But if I had an extra life I would spend it in Ministry. I went to college to prepare for Ministry. There will always be a little part of my heart overseas. If I had one extra life I might have invested it in the Congo or maybe the Sudan. But I did street witnessing for a while in the Dallas/ Fort Worth area and got to work with inner city kids. I also spent about 25 years in children's ministry much of it as children's pastor ...God let me go down into the trenches and do battle for children and young people. Not exactly darkest Africa but there were times especially around Christmas and Easter when everyone was high on chocolate that you felt like you were dealing with heathen from Borneo or Swaziland ,
If I had two extra lives I'd be a teacher, there's no greater joy that standing before a group of open minds and to be allowed to pour into them something you love. That is when I felt most completely alive..when I was teaching. I have taught on many occasions standing before groups of children and youth, I would have liked to adopt some children, to raise some kids born without much hope and give them love and a chance for a better life. But there were times it was all I could do to take care of my birth children, I never had the means or the opportunity to adopt anymore kids. Still I loved and influenced many children in my life, maybe that was how it was meant to be. There were other things that came across my path, there was even a season I taught at a little Bible college. Then for time I was in charge of a women's ministry.
If I had three extra lives I'd be a writer. I dreamed of being a poet when I was a girl and have a small collection of things I have written over the years. I would like to have been able to write books, I come from a large family of story tellers and stories have crowded my mind my whole life, I did write a mystery/romance book once during a time of transition in my life (non-published) and I wrote a book on children's ministry for my Master's thesis at college. I have a bunch of children's plays I wrote for our programs..so I guess I got to write.but not like I wanted to. Then of course there is my Blog I still get daily hits on that so I guess someone somewhere is reading my stuff. I could always tell a good children's story, I could make them laugh, bring them to tears and leave them on the edge of their seats, so I guess the stories in my head did have a purpose didn't they?
If I had four extra lives I would have liked to have been an artist. I have dabbled with art all my life and paint and draw a little..I am neither very good or very prolific but I have a small gift. I enjoy it and I keep going back. I want to frame a few of my paintings to leave to some of my loved ones when I am gone. Making things with my hands always gives me a feeling of peace and I have worked at different times with in many different mediums..I wish now that the time and money my parents spent on music lessons when I was a child could have gone to art...I might be better at it today., I was able to take one semester of art when I was in College. Since I had only one life I did not choose to spend it on this. But I sometimes did "chalk-talk" picture-stories for the kids and they all wanted to take them home. The kids in my classes always had better than average craft projects and they had fun.so I guess good comes from all sorts of places.
When each of us are born we are given a set of tools to build your life with, we are given opportunities and we choose how to use them. I truly wish now that I could have done more. But I suppose I would have wished that no matter what I had done. Life is so short, but I am not sorry for the choices I made. I didn't do everything that I wanted but I did everything I was gifted to do. I could have been smarter I know and kinder sometimes. I was a coward sometimes and lazy and unorganized more often than I should have been. But I loved, I truly did, i loved pretty much everybody and I tried to do good. If I failed, which I often did God understands and forgives. And I believe there is more to come, much more around the bend, past the sign that says "The End."
and in thy store there be but left
two loaves, sell one, and with the
dole, buy hyacinths to feed thy soul.” John
Greenleaf Whittier
Choices
As I speed through life I somewhat expectantly round a curb, and imagine my surprise when I glance up ahead and there stands a sign that says "The End."
I pump my brakes a moment and reflect on my experience..I am in shock, the trip went by so quickly. Could it really be almost over?
I needed more than one lifetime to do all that was in my mind and heart.
I had to make choices and I did..I followed my heart and picked the things I cherished most, Yet looking back I wish I could have had more time to develop my gifts and dreams.
I wanted the love of a good man, check! I got that, it fit nicely into the perimeters of my one life. I had time for that. Now what else was on the list? I was born to be a Mother, check! But my children were hard won. Hospitals, doctor's visits, miscarriages, infertility. Four children became two, hard won, very precious. My kids were my life, I wanted to be the read-a-book at bedtime, go on field-trips, take you to school, wait at home with hugs kind of Mother, Check! I think I managed to mostly pull that off. But these things take a lot of time as does tending aging parents and housework, cooking, stretching one income to accommodate a family of four. So between Music lessons and the ball field, life happens. Then catastrophic illness hits like a explosion from Hell..time is eaten up and it's almost time to go.
I could have used some extra lives to fit in all I wanted to do.
I wanted to Minister, I felt what I thought was a call to the mission field early on. I gave it a good shot before I married, but I think God must have had other plans. What I was feeling I think was compassion and a concern for souls. But if I had an extra life I would spend it in Ministry. I went to college to prepare for Ministry. There will always be a little part of my heart overseas. If I had one extra life I might have invested it in the Congo or maybe the Sudan. But I did street witnessing for a while in the Dallas/ Fort Worth area and got to work with inner city kids. I also spent about 25 years in children's ministry much of it as children's pastor ...God let me go down into the trenches and do battle for children and young people. Not exactly darkest Africa but there were times especially around Christmas and Easter when everyone was high on chocolate that you felt like you were dealing with heathen from Borneo or Swaziland ,
If I had two extra lives I'd be a teacher, there's no greater joy that standing before a group of open minds and to be allowed to pour into them something you love. That is when I felt most completely alive..when I was teaching. I have taught on many occasions standing before groups of children and youth, I would have liked to adopt some children, to raise some kids born without much hope and give them love and a chance for a better life. But there were times it was all I could do to take care of my birth children, I never had the means or the opportunity to adopt anymore kids. Still I loved and influenced many children in my life, maybe that was how it was meant to be. There were other things that came across my path, there was even a season I taught at a little Bible college. Then for time I was in charge of a women's ministry.
If I had three extra lives I'd be a writer. I dreamed of being a poet when I was a girl and have a small collection of things I have written over the years. I would like to have been able to write books, I come from a large family of story tellers and stories have crowded my mind my whole life, I did write a mystery/romance book once during a time of transition in my life (non-published) and I wrote a book on children's ministry for my Master's thesis at college. I have a bunch of children's plays I wrote for our programs..so I guess I got to write.but not like I wanted to. Then of course there is my Blog I still get daily hits on that so I guess someone somewhere is reading my stuff. I could always tell a good children's story, I could make them laugh, bring them to tears and leave them on the edge of their seats, so I guess the stories in my head did have a purpose didn't they?
If I had four extra lives I would have liked to have been an artist. I have dabbled with art all my life and paint and draw a little..I am neither very good or very prolific but I have a small gift. I enjoy it and I keep going back. I want to frame a few of my paintings to leave to some of my loved ones when I am gone. Making things with my hands always gives me a feeling of peace and I have worked at different times with in many different mediums..I wish now that the time and money my parents spent on music lessons when I was a child could have gone to art...I might be better at it today., I was able to take one semester of art when I was in College. Since I had only one life I did not choose to spend it on this. But I sometimes did "chalk-talk" picture-stories for the kids and they all wanted to take them home. The kids in my classes always had better than average craft projects and they had fun.so I guess good comes from all sorts of places.
When each of us are born we are given a set of tools to build your life with, we are given opportunities and we choose how to use them. I truly wish now that I could have done more. But I suppose I would have wished that no matter what I had done. Life is so short, but I am not sorry for the choices I made. I didn't do everything that I wanted but I did everything I was gifted to do. I could have been smarter I know and kinder sometimes. I was a coward sometimes and lazy and unorganized more often than I should have been. But I loved, I truly did, i loved pretty much everybody and I tried to do good. If I failed, which I often did God understands and forgives. And I believe there is more to come, much more around the bend, past the sign that says "The End."