24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. 27 No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27
My Journey through Darkness
It was a pleasant day in January and I was a happy little 58 year-old Grandma, b-boppin’ around town with my infant Grandson in his car seat in the back of my car. I remember noticing that my hands and feet felt numb as I drove along, but I just shook it off and continued on. I had several errands that day and I finished them all including a stop by my sister's house for coffee. We paused to remember it was our Mother's whose birthday. The date was January 15, 2010 and Momma had been gone for years. Little did I imagine the nightmare that lay ahead of me.
I woke up in that night and fell 3 times on my way to the Bathroom. My Journey had begun. I had contracted a disease my brother had dealt with some ten years before. Guillian Barre', is an auto-immune disease much like, Lupus, ALS, MS, Rheumatoid arthritis and Type 1 diabetes and it is very painful. When you have Guillian Barre' your immune system attacks the myelin covering that protects your nervous system, leaving your nerves unable to send the messages from your brain to various parts of your body that are necessary to function normally. It is extremely painful.
We called my son and he and my husband took me to the hospital. I spent several weeks at St. Patrick’s Hospital in Lake Charles Louisiana. Within hours I was paralyzed, unable to do much of anything but shake my head from side to side. I underwent many tests but the diagnosis was inconclusive. I was given IVIG treatments, oxygen, a catheter, and a feeding tube.. I still could not move except for my head, and was given bulb shaped call button I could try to work with my chin.
After weeks without much change I was sent to Herman Hospital in Houston by ambulance, The time I spent in Houston was mostly by myself, my family visited when they could and communicated with the hospital by telephone. I can not tell you much about those days except my daughter told me that when they visited I was "out of it" that I seemed almost like a vegetable.
It was in Houston that I finally got the Guillian Barre' diagnosis and two rounds of Plasmapheresis treatment. This is when my blood was filtered and new plasma was introduced. They also put in a Tracheotomy tube so could breathe. I was in Houston approximately three weeks then they gave up and sent me home.
I remember almost nothing about the trip but the Doctor who met my ambulance when I arrived at Cornerstone Hospital said he did not I had 24 hours to live.
When I woke up days later I could not move or communicate, I was being kept alive by tubes, and medication. I was not even sure where I was. I lay there helpless for weeks. Not even able to shift my weight in the bed. At night the nurse would set me in a little nest of pillows and find me in exactly the same position the next morning. I remember once as I lay alone on my bed a mosquito somehow got into the room. She would buzz around a while and light on my ear. I would shake my head and she would fly off but in just a moment she would return. This went on for awhile till finally I grew tired and just lay there and let her drink her fill.
Strange as it may seem I felt no fear of death, I retained my faith in Jesus Christ, but I was very afraid of not dying and having to live out my life as a helpless invalid. I prayed every night to die if this would be my lot for the rest of my life, and when I woke each morning I felt a sense of disappointment.
Finally they deemed me well enough to put in a man-lift and sat in a chair. Never have I felt so helpless as I did in that sling hovering around in the air in search of a chair. After a few days they lifted me into a wheelchair and rolled me around a bit, after weeks laying in a bed the process was painful and frightening.
I have thought about it later, how Jesus couldn't move when he was nailed to a cross, How he was lifted high in the air, in pain and at the mercy of his captors. I wouldn't presume to compare myself with Jesus, but I am assured He understood what I was going through. "For He was tempted in all points as we were"
" that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death", . Philippians 3:10
No fear of death.. this surprises me now but then it didn't seem like a big deal. Therapy began, It was so painful, my nerves scream, and my muscles resist, long days in recline make me woozey. My body reacts to gravity's pull when I am upright again. I can not bear this, the pain is to great, I have to far to go just to approach any kind of normal. It is to much, what do I do? So I come to a decision. I cannot bear my situation, it over whelms me, but maybe I could bear it for just one day. I remember how in Exodus the Children of Israel would go out into the desert and pick up enough manna to provide their needs for the day, just that one day. So I prayed every morning for strength and help to do what was asked of me for just that one day. I claimed this scripture every day before they come get me. "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness". Lamentations 3:22-23 And He did help me, I didn't get a big dramatic tele-evangelistic miracle healing where I jumped out of bed and ran home. But I got strength and help one single day at a time.
My Journey through Darkness
It was a pleasant day in January and I was a happy little 58 year-old Grandma, b-boppin’ around town with my infant Grandson in his car seat in the back of my car. I remember noticing that my hands and feet felt numb as I drove along, but I just shook it off and continued on. I had several errands that day and I finished them all including a stop by my sister's house for coffee. We paused to remember it was our Mother's whose birthday. The date was January 15, 2010 and Momma had been gone for years. Little did I imagine the nightmare that lay ahead of me.
I woke up in that night and fell 3 times on my way to the Bathroom. My Journey had begun. I had contracted a disease my brother had dealt with some ten years before. Guillian Barre', is an auto-immune disease much like, Lupus, ALS, MS, Rheumatoid arthritis and Type 1 diabetes and it is very painful. When you have Guillian Barre' your immune system attacks the myelin covering that protects your nervous system, leaving your nerves unable to send the messages from your brain to various parts of your body that are necessary to function normally. It is extremely painful.
We called my son and he and my husband took me to the hospital. I spent several weeks at St. Patrick’s Hospital in Lake Charles Louisiana. Within hours I was paralyzed, unable to do much of anything but shake my head from side to side. I underwent many tests but the diagnosis was inconclusive. I was given IVIG treatments, oxygen, a catheter, and a feeding tube.. I still could not move except for my head, and was given bulb shaped call button I could try to work with my chin.
After weeks without much change I was sent to Herman Hospital in Houston by ambulance, The time I spent in Houston was mostly by myself, my family visited when they could and communicated with the hospital by telephone. I can not tell you much about those days except my daughter told me that when they visited I was "out of it" that I seemed almost like a vegetable.
It was in Houston that I finally got the Guillian Barre' diagnosis and two rounds of Plasmapheresis treatment. This is when my blood was filtered and new plasma was introduced. They also put in a Tracheotomy tube so could breathe. I was in Houston approximately three weeks then they gave up and sent me home.
I remember almost nothing about the trip but the Doctor who met my ambulance when I arrived at Cornerstone Hospital said he did not I had 24 hours to live.
When I woke up days later I could not move or communicate, I was being kept alive by tubes, and medication. I was not even sure where I was. I lay there helpless for weeks. Not even able to shift my weight in the bed. At night the nurse would set me in a little nest of pillows and find me in exactly the same position the next morning. I remember once as I lay alone on my bed a mosquito somehow got into the room. She would buzz around a while and light on my ear. I would shake my head and she would fly off but in just a moment she would return. This went on for awhile till finally I grew tired and just lay there and let her drink her fill.
Strange as it may seem I felt no fear of death, I retained my faith in Jesus Christ, but I was very afraid of not dying and having to live out my life as a helpless invalid. I prayed every night to die if this would be my lot for the rest of my life, and when I woke each morning I felt a sense of disappointment.
Finally they deemed me well enough to put in a man-lift and sat in a chair. Never have I felt so helpless as I did in that sling hovering around in the air in search of a chair. After a few days they lifted me into a wheelchair and rolled me around a bit, after weeks laying in a bed the process was painful and frightening.
I have thought about it later, how Jesus couldn't move when he was nailed to a cross, How he was lifted high in the air, in pain and at the mercy of his captors. I wouldn't presume to compare myself with Jesus, but I am assured He understood what I was going through. "For He was tempted in all points as we were"
" that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death", . Philippians 3:10
No fear of death.. this surprises me now but then it didn't seem like a big deal. Therapy began, It was so painful, my nerves scream, and my muscles resist, long days in recline make me woozey. My body reacts to gravity's pull when I am upright again. I can not bear this, the pain is to great, I have to far to go just to approach any kind of normal. It is to much, what do I do? So I come to a decision. I cannot bear my situation, it over whelms me, but maybe I could bear it for just one day. I remember how in Exodus the Children of Israel would go out into the desert and pick up enough manna to provide their needs for the day, just that one day. So I prayed every morning for strength and help to do what was asked of me for just that one day. I claimed this scripture every day before they come get me. "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness". Lamentations 3:22-23 And He did help me, I didn't get a big dramatic tele-evangelistic miracle healing where I jumped out of bed and ran home. But I got strength and help one single day at a time.
Weeks passed with very little change, I got off my feeding tube and was able to eat a little bit if someone fed me. I could sit in my wheelchair without being tied in. I was removed from the breathing machine but a tube was left in my throat in case I had to go back on the machine. My one desire was to go home and it seemed my one course to get there was Memorial Hospital in Lake Charles Louisiana. It had a therapy department that came highly recommended, I heard wonderful stories about what they could do. If I could just get there maybe I would be able to do more, Maybe it would be a road home. They put my name on a waiting list but a few days before I was to leave I came down with pneumonia and was put on a 21 day regimen of antibiotics, it broke my heart to see someone else go ahead of me on the list. I remember looking up at the IV thinking that I had to go through this 21 days and I would go through them one day at a time.
"No temptation[a] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted[b] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[c] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13
"No temptation[a] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted[b] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[c] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13
My room at Cornerstone Hospital was comfortable enough, the typical bland Hospital room, there was a large window on one side that faced a brick wall. I spent months looking at that brick wall and a pretty little bush that was planted between my window and the wall. One day after I woke up I noticed what looked like a new yellow door cut into the brick wall, I was surprised and wondered why I hadn't seen the workman when they put in the door. Maybe I wasn't thinking clearly but I just figured that somehow I had missed them when they took me out of the room to go to therapy. Imagine my surprise when I checked my window later in the day and found the door had disappeared, It took me a while to figure it out but I believe I had a small vision, it was the Lord's way of comforting me and assuring me that he was indeed there with me and would provide with a way out of my predicament, John 10:9 "I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture". Christ is the door.
Finally the day came for me to go to the rehab facility at Memorial Hospital in Lake Charles Louisiana, It was very similar to the place I'd spent the last few months except for a petite drill-sergeant who greeted me first thing nearly every morning with the excruciating task of dressing myself. In nine weeks I was never able to finish it without her help.. They did manage to teach me to feed myself a little bit and help a little with my transfer from bed to my wheelchair, It is an unwieldy process involving a short board and a strap.
Six months had passed since that awful night in January and I could not even roll my own wheelchair. I am classified as a quadriplegic, with physical abilities somewhere between those of a six and 18 month old baby. My hopes and dreams are pretty well gone.
Our house sets facing a four-lane highway and my dearest hope was to go home to a hospital bed and watch the birds in my yard and the cars on the highway. That was the best I could do, but I wanted to go home just to go home to my husband and family. A friend came to see me one day and told me about her grandchildren who lived next door to her. How they ran in and out of her house and how often she saw them. I loved my friend and was glad she was happy but she made me sad, I wanted my life back.
Finally they let me go home, not able to even roll my own wheelchair. I was on Anti-depressants, Thyroid meds. blood thinners, Blood Pressure meds, and heart medication. I had coded at least twice and they were concerned about my heart. But I am a stubborn soul and had promised myself years ago that I would never be chained to a little white pill. I purposed at once to get off my meds.
I begin with the anti-depressants and then one by one I weaned myself off my meds, The hardest to get off of was the heart meds I had to enlist the doctor's help so I wouldn't injure myself getting off that one, but after some tests I backed off it slowly with no ill effect. The only pill I couldn’t get rid of was my thyroid pill if I don't take it I get very sick. But Pride goes before a fall, the Lord keeps me humble, it was my cheapest pill, only about 4 dollars a month. I thank God it is the only one I take.
Time passed, home health sent out nurses and Therapist's to see me. I was home and that was all that mattered. I slowly grew stronger. I remember the day I took a glass and rolled my wheelchair to our refrigerator and got myself a glass of water. I was grateful I could at least get myself a drink.
My Therapists took me to the kitchen sink and we practiced standing a few moments at a time. It was painful but I knew I had to keep fighting if I was ever to get better. Finally Home health got me walking. They came 3 times a week for a while and worked with me during the day. Like a baby taking it's first steps we felt the joy of accomplishment. I called my kids excited with the news I had walked on a walker. I never again felt totally helpless I was on my feet.
My sister became a widow during this time and I moved it with her for a few weeks, she helped me with my handicaps and I provided her company in her bereavement. I will always appreciate the help she gave me during this time.
When I was no longer eligible for home health care my niece took me to therapy 3 times a week till my husband retired so he could take me. I had promised my daughter I would stand up to witness the birth of her baby, it was a goal I worked toward, and I grew stronger over time. . By God's grace with a little hard work I stood on my own two feet and witnessed the birth of my youngest granddaughter.
There will always be residuals. I tire easily, still deal with a lot of numbness in my hands and feet, I drop things and have lost some of the fine motor movement in my hands. But that's okay, Grandma's back, I refuse to use the motorized carts at Walmart and one of the happiest days of my life is when I gave up the handicap tags on our truck. Not that there's anything wrong in using them if you need them, but I set my mind to rebound, and I did. Walking is good for me.
The question remains, I was a Christian, had been most of my life, why did God allow this to happen to me. I don't know, except that we live in a fallen world and bad things happen to everyone. No one is better than anyone else and I don't get a free pass. Also, I believe God uses our pain to work out things in our lives. To teach us faith, to provide a testimony, to make us stronger. We must not be bitter, but we must cling tightly to God's hand and trust him through the adventure.
Once I was feeling sorry for myself and I sat down on the foot of my bed to ponder "Why Me"? And it seemed God spoke from deep inside me and asked me if I'd ever birthed a child? (He knew but he was making a point). I told him I had, the he asked me if it was painful, I said it was. Then he told me that the pain was necessary to birth something in me. This is why he allows bad things to happen, to birth something new in us. There is a purpose for our pain, and he does not waste it. Having done all stand!!!!!
Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:13
Finally the day came for me to go to the rehab facility at Memorial Hospital in Lake Charles Louisiana, It was very similar to the place I'd spent the last few months except for a petite drill-sergeant who greeted me first thing nearly every morning with the excruciating task of dressing myself. In nine weeks I was never able to finish it without her help.. They did manage to teach me to feed myself a little bit and help a little with my transfer from bed to my wheelchair, It is an unwieldy process involving a short board and a strap.
Six months had passed since that awful night in January and I could not even roll my own wheelchair. I am classified as a quadriplegic, with physical abilities somewhere between those of a six and 18 month old baby. My hopes and dreams are pretty well gone.
Our house sets facing a four-lane highway and my dearest hope was to go home to a hospital bed and watch the birds in my yard and the cars on the highway. That was the best I could do, but I wanted to go home just to go home to my husband and family. A friend came to see me one day and told me about her grandchildren who lived next door to her. How they ran in and out of her house and how often she saw them. I loved my friend and was glad she was happy but she made me sad, I wanted my life back.
Finally they let me go home, not able to even roll my own wheelchair. I was on Anti-depressants, Thyroid meds. blood thinners, Blood Pressure meds, and heart medication. I had coded at least twice and they were concerned about my heart. But I am a stubborn soul and had promised myself years ago that I would never be chained to a little white pill. I purposed at once to get off my meds.
I begin with the anti-depressants and then one by one I weaned myself off my meds, The hardest to get off of was the heart meds I had to enlist the doctor's help so I wouldn't injure myself getting off that one, but after some tests I backed off it slowly with no ill effect. The only pill I couldn’t get rid of was my thyroid pill if I don't take it I get very sick. But Pride goes before a fall, the Lord keeps me humble, it was my cheapest pill, only about 4 dollars a month. I thank God it is the only one I take.
Time passed, home health sent out nurses and Therapist's to see me. I was home and that was all that mattered. I slowly grew stronger. I remember the day I took a glass and rolled my wheelchair to our refrigerator and got myself a glass of water. I was grateful I could at least get myself a drink.
My Therapists took me to the kitchen sink and we practiced standing a few moments at a time. It was painful but I knew I had to keep fighting if I was ever to get better. Finally Home health got me walking. They came 3 times a week for a while and worked with me during the day. Like a baby taking it's first steps we felt the joy of accomplishment. I called my kids excited with the news I had walked on a walker. I never again felt totally helpless I was on my feet.
My sister became a widow during this time and I moved it with her for a few weeks, she helped me with my handicaps and I provided her company in her bereavement. I will always appreciate the help she gave me during this time.
When I was no longer eligible for home health care my niece took me to therapy 3 times a week till my husband retired so he could take me. I had promised my daughter I would stand up to witness the birth of her baby, it was a goal I worked toward, and I grew stronger over time. . By God's grace with a little hard work I stood on my own two feet and witnessed the birth of my youngest granddaughter.
There will always be residuals. I tire easily, still deal with a lot of numbness in my hands and feet, I drop things and have lost some of the fine motor movement in my hands. But that's okay, Grandma's back, I refuse to use the motorized carts at Walmart and one of the happiest days of my life is when I gave up the handicap tags on our truck. Not that there's anything wrong in using them if you need them, but I set my mind to rebound, and I did. Walking is good for me.
The question remains, I was a Christian, had been most of my life, why did God allow this to happen to me. I don't know, except that we live in a fallen world and bad things happen to everyone. No one is better than anyone else and I don't get a free pass. Also, I believe God uses our pain to work out things in our lives. To teach us faith, to provide a testimony, to make us stronger. We must not be bitter, but we must cling tightly to God's hand and trust him through the adventure.
Once I was feeling sorry for myself and I sat down on the foot of my bed to ponder "Why Me"? And it seemed God spoke from deep inside me and asked me if I'd ever birthed a child? (He knew but he was making a point). I told him I had, the he asked me if it was painful, I said it was. Then he told me that the pain was necessary to birth something in me. This is why he allows bad things to happen, to birth something new in us. There is a purpose for our pain, and he does not waste it. Having done all stand!!!!!
Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:13